An Open letter/Apology to all those I've involved in the project.

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Hi All, I have decided I will no longer be participating in the project I have been promoting on Twitter for the last two weeks, the coordinator, has a stinking attitude, absolutely no respect for the people she is working with and has no way of dealing with companies/businesses/sponsors. She is abrasive, foul mouthed & childish I refuse to be associated with someone like her who gets people's backs up. This project was meant for the upliftment and support of women, but I don't feel that this was done in the SPIRIT of upliftment, more as a dictatorship, ("this is MY dream, MY vision"), and everyone, including massive companies and people who are well respected within their respective industries, just has to dance to the tune of this 22-year-old little girl who has absolutely no business savvy or charisma AT ALL.

The magazine was absolutely correct in saying that they feel this is unabashed self-promotion, and little to do with the actual cause, which is the plight of those abused women and children, who so need every bit of help they can find. This is what saddens me, when someone can so blatantly exploit others, even the less fortunate, for their own selfish agendas. I've been very courteous at the beginning but she was extremely rude and condescending towards me so no more.

On behalf of myself and the girls, I would like to apologise for everything which has occured between your representatives and this person, I can assure you, this is not how I do things at all. The magazine has already done so much for women, abused or not, and I know that this in no way reflects your stance on said issues. She has now taken to Twitter, posting cattish, immature remarks about myself and the other girls. I am not for this kind of behaviour at all, as we initially offered to help her with this. Ladies, I am not going to tolerate this as I find this a form of abuse as well. I am seeing to it that she does not hurt another person.

I hope that at least some good can come of this whole charade as it would be a crying shame if not one person was assisted by this "project".

Kind Regards, Melissa (@Melfunktion)

And then there were few.....

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So continuing with the "reformation" theme, there a a few other things which I have learnt , no, been FORCED to learn over the last couple of years. Some of the lessons were easy, piece of Lindt chocolate cake. Others, however...were like taking an algebra class, stoned out of your bracket. Not the easiest thing in the world, trust me.

One of those lessons were Patience:

Patience with people, ideas and circumstances. Now, the ideas and circumstances bit came easy, well, not too easy, let's just say INTERMEDIATE LEVEL. The patience with people however, including myself, now that was the challenge. The hardest person on yourself is usually YOU. Constantly pushing yourself to be better, fitter, stronger , smarter and kicking yourself full on in the ass when you're not. I always say that your harshest critic is yourself too, but sometimes we can become so hard on ourselves that we just decide to give it up as a bad job and join mediocrity. I have learnt that nothing will come to you when YOU want it, but when the time is right, and you're prepared for it. The right career, the right friends, the right experiences, the right dreams and yes, ladies, the right man. Funny thing this "Patience" , because just when you're about to quit having it and announce to the world, "Yip,nothing to see here, fresh outta patience!!", that is when the very thing you've been so agonizingly waiting for ,arrives, not how you envisaged it, but how it needs to be. Perfect, for you.

The next thing I've learnt, was TOLERANCE.

Ooh... I hear you say, "she's going to start preaching the Ghandi principle of non-violence and tolerance..yawn.." Wrong!

Tolerance...is good. Lack thereof, is not as negative as you may deduce (we give the word "lack" too little credit, it can be used to describe so many positive things)

To tolerate something or someone is to say "live and let live" and that is exactly what it is, not to be confused with Acceptance. Whole other show.

What Inspires Me....

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I am inspired by life, I am inspired by people who love life. I am inspired by moments which makes life all the more sweeter. Creativity inspires me, my spirituality and creation inspires me.

Nature, in all it's wondrous glory, inspires me. The smell of the earth just after the rain, the colour of the sky when dusk is about to set in. The glow of the dew drops clinging to the blades of grass when a new day arrives. The way the fresh sea breeze tingles down my spine. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks the way the surf meets the shore and retracts into the deep blue unknown.

People from various walks of life who I come across on a day-to-day basis inspire me to live. They inspire me to explore different avenues in life. They encourage me to change my thinking and step out of my comfort zone. Explore life. Love inspires me.

The love of my mother,strong,regal, unconditional. The love of my friends,their inner beauty, supportive & encouraging. The love of my partner, all encompassing and awe inspiring.

I am inspired by life, love and beauty.

Hello... is it me you're double-clicking for?

‎​"There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on."

Hellooo...is this thing on?

Well, I am officially back from my involuntary sabbatical from what I love doing, (who DOES that, right??) I feel free...almost child-like, oh who am I kidding, completely child-like. Completely caught up in this dark labyrinth we call life, ok, that was bordering dramatic but I'm sure you can identify with that feeling of utter "I-Dont-Know-Where-The-Fuck-I-Am-ness" of your mid twenties. Utterly mortifying I tell you but at the same time bliss dressed up in hedonistic garb.

Some of us have a sport which we absolutely loved and no less excelled in at school, but by the time you get to your last year of high school, puberty, teen angst,future plans have got you so tightly within their sticky fingered grip that you forgot all about that little passion. Which might have become a bigger passion, had you honed it. It takes kahunas to hone. I plan to cultivate and grow a pair.

It's been nearly three years since my last post and my have things changed. Not only in my life, but in the world. America now has a black President, my childhood hero and supreme teacher of the crotch grab toe stand move has passed on to that big amusement ranch in the sky (RIP MJ) and social media has advanced so rapidly, that we almost ALWAYS know exactly what's happening, while it's happening. Everything has become streaming thanks to my little blue feathered friend I like to call Twitter and news, events,disasters,tragedies spread faster than you can say "viral".

It's amazing really, and it's absolutely everything which we, Generation Y, could ever want out of life. Everything needs to be quick and fast. Instant gratification, our cars, our food,our women, our internet connection. It's almost unheard of to say to someone, "Slow down", you're most likely to be laughed at and told to get out of the way as you're in their Wi-Fi area.

In stark contrast to all these new ideals of being 'well-connected', part of the nu-wave social media culture and all the other jargon regurgitated by those in the know, I have undergone some changes too. I had a look at my previous posts and cringed all shades of beetroot when I read some of the *ahem* "content", but I decided not to delete it, because those experiences, those words and those tequila-tinged adventures, are what ultimately makes me who I am. Authentically me.

Life as I know it now is calmer, but not subdued. Relaxed, without being comatose and way, way, WAY more opinionated. So kick back and take this new adventure with me, I'd love to hear your thoughts (yeah, I'm more thoughtful now too, Noddy badge!)

More to come!

Fetish

Today is a hi-top day, yesterday was an Ugg boot day, tomorrow will be a strappy stiletto day and Saturday would definitely have to be a peep-toe day..By now it's pretty damn obvious that I'm clammering on about shoes.Am I going to use my love of shoes as a metaphor for a relationship? Never!Will I compare womankind's lust for feet adornment with our feelings for the opposite sex? Blasphemy!! I'm simply going to put into perspective our uses for different shoes in comparison with the purpose served by the different men in our lives...

I'll start with the sneaker, you know the pair, the ones you've had for years, the ones who have literally been put through their paces...the all-abiding, long-suffering SNEAKER.Safe, reliable,scruffy but comfy, just like good 'ol "Three-years-of-what?".We went through a truck-load,he was always there when I needed him but it became too comfortable, so much so that I wore a hole through the toe!So I just stopped wearing those trainers, I still have them,they're just too old to wear with functionality but too familiar to throw out."Three-years-of-what?" still calls me, or I'll text him, but for the same reasons as above, that's as far as it goes.
Then there are those cute pointy court shoes which make you look good in anything, can be worn to the office,mall or club in one go and with equal style-standing,though not quite formal enough for a huge 'do.Also quite comfortable, this one definitely refers to Mr."Nearly-but-not-quite" down to the last detail.Like the shoes,he is a classic.Versatile,comfortable,stylish and neat.He made me feel great anywhere and it was a relationship built on love and trust.In fact, I didn't need any other shoes, but me being well. ME, simply couldn't resist the next pair that I saw all shiny and new....
It was pointier than the courts and had a higher stiletto, way trendier(pink patent leather with funky silver studs)and it made me look like such a diva and yes..alas..I strayed.That exactly describes what happened with Mr."whose-ego-is-it-anyway". sex-appeal-check; high voltage energy&presence-check, x-factor-check.Totally what I needed to give me a boost at a time when my self-confidence was lacking.I had a short but passionate love-affair with those shoes..but like all trendy buys..they go out of style and is replaced with the next big thing on the market..needless to say that pretty much summed up the end of THAT story.
It was now time for my shopping spree, the period in which I went on a spending rampage buying,trying,wearing everything and anything I wanted.I didn't have any favorites,though, there were adorable kitten heels("The Saint"), the painful to wear sparkly sandals(Mr."All-Bling-No-Brain") and the once-off gorgeous satin ankle-strap sky-scraper stilettos(Mr."Hot-but-tries-to-hard-to-be-mysterious").and then the interestingly attractive courts("Sir.Gab")
Soon my shoe collection was thriving and I thought nothing more could excite or interest me, then the season changed,fashion changed, and again...I laid my eyes on the most sexed up stilettos Ive seen: The Clear Heel..It was lust at first sight and I just HAD to have it.As impractical and impossible it seemed to walk on those, kind of as impossible as it was to actually have an intellectual conversation with Mr."Smoking-Hot-Mitts-For-Brains" I suppose.Like those clear heels , a guy like the "The Bod" doesn't come come along everyday, so I had to um..grab hold of him when I could..and I did! Every tanned, muscular, toned..ok...Mel! FOCUS!!The shoes had no substance, no depth , it was transparent for petes sake!! So was he, between innings, third base and unmentionables..I don't remember much about that fling...The shoes are still one of my favorites though, speaking of favorites, the Ugg will always be one of mine.Just as comfy as the sneaker, but warm and safer as well as Uber trendy (for like 5 minutes!) the Ugg is definitely one of a girl's best friends.No matter how much our boyfriends hate them(guys just don't understand!).Kind of reminds me of my "Straight-Gay-Best-Friend".Goes with everything,great all year round and understands you.My Ugg boots are a constant in my wardrobe,so is my SGBF.Staying with boots. I can think of another of my many favorite boots, the super sexy, super hot knee-high black pointy stiletto, or more lovingly known as the "F*** Me Boot". Ooh la la! Those I only pull out on special occasions when the um..wattage needs to be increased!Nasty girls they are, the dominatrixes of the shoe wardrobe which is who I morph into when I see Mr."In-Between Tide".Not many of my mates know I own such a sexy pair of boots, not unlike the agreement/contract between myself and hottie in question, but alas you have not seen love until you've seen my hot-pink Chanel tweed peep-toe stilettos.They're class incarnate,sexy while being sophisticated, conservative but stylish, not one to be worn everyday as the height would cripple you but it is a beautifully crafted shoe..Yes, I am making reference to Mr."Commitment-Phobe-Cynic". The first half of the night, you're confident, stylish,utterly sophisticated,the latter part of the evening,though, is spent tip-toeing on blistered feet all because you forgot one vital rule when it comes to wearing new shoes:You've gotta practice in them first!.Exactly my anecdote for "The Cynic", which I discover many blisters later..on both my feet and my heart!So I went to sales, mark-downs etc donning my trainers, flip-flops and Uggs of course, returning home empty handed each time,until I made that dreaded Impulse Buy...
There it was, just unpacked,I wasn't sure if it suited me, I wasn't even sure whether it matched any of my clothing, but I was alone, desperate for a fashion fix and had nothing to lose but to take that risk.
I should've seen the signs,they were all there, and looking back in retrospect they were all indicating one thing: The shop assistant's unwillingness to attend to me,the strap breaking at my first attempt of trying it on, the unavailability of my size, all pointing in one direction, but I was determined to have this shoe.I draw congruency to none other that "The Dictator" who else? The signs were evident, me being inebriated at our initial introduction so clearly my judgement was distorted,even the first date should've been a prophecy.Could there be a more disastrous first date than on Friday the freaking thirteenth???I mean, COME on! I ignored the signs and ended up with a shoe that will be out of fashion quicker than you can say "faux pas" and a guys who didn't break my heart but instead broke the record for Biggest loser this side of the galaxy!
The shoes weren't long term,they're brown suede platforms,I should've known.I DID know.Neither was "The Dictator", I know about that too but went along with it regardless.An IMPULSE BUY-a complete disregard for common sense and good taste.

Do we women ever think straight when it comes to both shoes and men?Sometimes it seems like all rational thinking is discarded when face with these two vices.Men, like shoes, are our adversaries as well as our friends.No fashion fundi or relationship guru can make sense of this phenomena.One thing is for sure, though,while the opposite sex will forever be a mystery to me, I pride myself in the fact that I'm a woman who knows her Choos form her Manolos.

No more Mr.Nice-Guy

Ever wondered why when us chicks go out in a group we ALWAYS, without fail, seem to come across a group of guys who, for some bizaar reason,don't have the balls(or intellectual communication skills..) to just come up to us and start a conversation??

I mean, seriously now, what sense does it make to just stand all the way in the corner, in a brooding bundle like the crew from "Revenge of the Nerds" or something, and just STARE...dead wood, I tell you.

Now this very scenario occurred one Saturday night at "The Den"...Myself and Taz decided that the night before"s(abhorrable) partying was definately not enough for the weekend, although I can tell you now that my head(and liver!) disagreed strongly.We picked Cat up after Taz's date with "Mr.Nice-Guy" and I could tell that there was debauchery of note waiting for us.Firstly, Taz had been complaining since earlier that day about how bored she was...now, don't get me wrong, she enjoyed the date...but alas...us females all fall prey to the lure of the Bad Boy and this my dears was not one.This made me think of how all of us have the opportunity and the means to nab ourselves good, wholesome guys, we just CHOOSE not to.Case in point,Taz..this guy had been falling over his feet for her all day, I mean,who wouldn't, this is a gorgeous woman with a heart of gold.But the minute she was "rid"(as she so bluntly put it!) of him,she had this look of relief on her face.."Woo-Hoo" she howled.."Let's get this party started!!!"..I was speechless.A position I am rarely in but at that moment it clicked to me.This is what every so-called "Nice Guy" complains about..the proverbial lure of the "Dark Boy" is way too strong.It's as if we don't appreciate the um NICENESS of the "Nice Guy"..Nice guys finish last they say, Im sorry, but er...did the "Nice Guy" even register to enter the race???

It's not that we don't appreciate guys who treat us well and who are polite, well-mannered, *yaawn*..sorry, where was I...? Oh, yeah.It's just that,you know if we say "Jump" and you ask "How high?" when and where does the challenge fit into this Jigsaw puzzle people call "relationships"? Women today don't want things too easy, personally I find it extremely dull if a guy just agrees with whatever I say, I mean..If I wanted to date an amoeba I would go down to the Great Brak River and find myself one.A nice fat one...But we don't want single celled organisms as boyfriends,bio lab's closed.
Respect also has alot to do with this analogy.I simply will not respect a man who does not and CANNOT stand his own ground.That's impossible.Last time I checked doormats only had one function...to take the dirt off your feet.

So it's not to say that we want guys who don't mind giving us a little slap or two every now and then..(ok,um..in SOME cases/settings it would work!),we need for the male of the species to stand their ground.Simple as that.And where the "excitement" thing is concerned,spontaneity is key..oh and not forgetting enthusiasm.Which brings me to that night again..

So we're at "The Den" and it's pumping and full of familiar faces...Im still feeling disorientated from the night before, in fact, I can still taste the Cuervo and I wasn't loving it.We feel our way through the crowd and then a drink or two later we were somewhat more relaxed.
I could tell Cat was on a mission..in fact, I think she might've mentioned what her Modus Operandi would be for the night, I encouraged her but hoped to be left out of that particular equation as being around guys was the LAST thing on my mind at the time,heaven forbid CHAT to them..no thanks.No matter how much she persisted, and how much she tried to persuade me to be her wing-girl, that was not my steez that night.This is not to say that I completely ignored the fact that the place had talent that night...coz geez did the place have TALENT.Of colossal proportions!

Back from Middle Earth

Where the hell have I been, I hear you ask? What happened to you? I hear you gasp...Well...I just thought I'd give ya'll time to absorb the FABULOUSNESS that IS , Mel...befor I give you another dose!

Naah...the boring truth is that I have been so overcome with rat-race syndrome, that I havent had the chance to document it all, no doubt about it, things have been happening!!I sometimes think too many things..I sometimes wonder is it normal??Then again normalcy is for mediocre individuals, right??OK..where to start!!??

I would start where I left off coz um..that would only be proper..but who's proper? So I will start at the noteworthy bits...


So things between Scott and myself progressed quite substantially considering my blatant lack of intention to pursue him at our introduction.I found him on "The place where everybody finds everybody" and the rest..as they say...is history! He asked me (via e-mail, how original!) Whether I fancied going out with him one night and my natural answer was....um..."Can I get back to you?" hahahahahaha! Sucker!

I naturally got back to him, did the whole lady-like dressing thing,he was the perfect gentleman! I was shocked! Opened the car-door for me,we hit it off immediately.He did, however seem far too bourgois for my liking but I just put it down to him being well-travelled...I found THAT particular trait extremely attractive..and overlooked the "Ra-Ras" because of it.I was super impressed by the resturaunt he took me to(despite us getting a bit lost! WTF! He was so embarrassed, I found it hilarious but yet endearing)..classy and pricey.I could tell this boy was out to impress and he was getting it right.We chatted and chatted and seemed to have loads in common...except for one thing which I discovered that night...this boy was seriously damaged goods.

Now..Im not sure whether his whole entire being took a beating at customs where the officials usually beat the crap out of your luggage before dissecting it..but geez man.
I listened attentively, scrutinizing every (bitter) sentence that spilled from his mouth,whoever this apparent "She-Devil" was she hit him for a definite six.Left him for her boss apparently...ALARM BELLS: Inferiority complex ahead add a dose of bruised and battered ego and there you have Scott. In an armoured nutshell.

I changed the subject very quickly and then the night progressed to us feeding each other(corny), consuming bottle after bottle of Cape Towns finest white wines..until we eventually ended up at the bar..giddy and relieved that the awkward part of the date was finally over(thanks in much part to the Sauvignon..)..Cooing over splashes of yummy(but intoxicating)cocktails and letting out loud spontaneous bursts of laughter.We knew that this was the most fun you could possibly have on a first date.I was satisfied because in that one night I found out two of the most important things about a potential prospect...His baggage and his party gauge..the latter which was the only reason I agreed to a second,third,fourth...oh you get the picture...date.

So the next day...basking in the afterglow of a terrific date, nursing a hellish hangover(knew all those cocktails would come back to bite me in the arse!) and with a renewed perspective on what dating was supposed to be, Im off to work...I work into the office, sunglasses still tightly wrapped around my face...5 mintutes late..Penny gives me that look..now I know that look by now..It's a look that says "Im not gonna ask you right now for the details coz you need to settle in but you WILL spill every gory inch of last night's date!"

The weeks and eventually(shocking!) months go on and myself and Scott are still doing the casual dating thing...I can't actually fathom this! We each had our own seperate social lives,our own friends, but every now and then these two aspects became intertwined and it actually worked for us..we werent serious, or even exclusive(even though he hinted that he wanted to be several times..this IS me we're talking about here.)Yes, we(ok, just ME that I know of) had our indiscretions...great ones...and that was a sign that it was time to close this innocuous, fun but possibly lethal chapter...

Things ended wierdly..theatrical but casual, vindictively but on good terms,it was indeed a strange, if-you-could-call-it relationship! At least Janey made me see the light of day when by the end of her 1st meeting with him she could tell me "Mel, since when do you go for snobs?" I should've kinda realized that when he pulled his nose up at my choice of venue for my birthday party..the nerve!! Then he pitches up late while I was too-pissed-to-care(or even STAND for that matter!) and makes as if he's doing me a favour by being there at that as he puts it "questionable establishement"!!WELL. HELLO, EARTH TO SCOTT..that "questionable establishment" is where my friends and I hang out out most weekends,wanker!

So then I gave it up as a bad um..."job"? hahahahaha! And Janey and I go on our monstrous and now INFAMOUS PARTY BINGE....


I have only one word for this period: INSANITY. We just did not know where to stop, with EVRYTHING! It's strange how while you're in that period of partying bliss you don't realize how damaging it can be but once you're out on the other side you sit and wonder "What the hell was I thinking"?? Debauchery...much like love..is BLIND and TONE DEAF. It doesnt recognize danger and confuses it many times with excitement.Seems there was never a shortage of excitement with Janey and I around..hell no! Spontaneous excitement,crazy excitement and many times IRRESPONSIBLE excitement.

It would start on a Wednesday(sometimes Tuesday) evening...Janey calls me up and suggests dinner and drinks.Afterall, this is what two fabulously single females do suring the week, of course.When I think about it..during this period and right now for that matter, was the very first time in ages that Janey and I have been single at the same time.LOL I recall those times where she had to ask her dates to bring with a companion, wing-man, sympathy date for me, her best friend who (her words) "Is a very nice girl who is single by choice" well CHEERS to that!! hehehehe! Makes me sound like a pathetic plain chick who can't get a date!! Um....ya.

So we take our new found freedom and we embrace it,it always starts out the same, she picks me up, we start chatting, giggling, squealing(we do that sometimes..) and then before you know it we are at whatever cocktail lounge ordering our respective poisons and chainsmoking as we gossipped away occasionally scanning the room for you know...Guy Candy.To me, this was reminiscent of two hens(yes I said hens!) pecking away and scrutinizing each um..prospective..COCK that was on display?? hahahahahahaha! OK, candid analogy, but I hope my point was brought across quite accurately!

Sometimes we would bump into mates of ours from the male species and we'd hang out for a bit..enough to get our fix of testosterone and frivolity(and Jagerbombs!) and then make our way to whatever the next location would be...then, the proverbial GAMES begin!!