Fetish

Today is a hi-top day, yesterday was an Ugg boot day, tomorrow will be a strappy stiletto day and Saturday would definitely have to be a peep-toe day..By now it's pretty damn obvious that I'm clammering on about shoes.Am I going to use my love of shoes as a metaphor for a relationship? Never!Will I compare womankind's lust for feet adornment with our feelings for the opposite sex? Blasphemy!! I'm simply going to put into perspective our uses for different shoes in comparison with the purpose served by the different men in our lives...

I'll start with the sneaker, you know the pair, the ones you've had for years, the ones who have literally been put through their paces...the all-abiding, long-suffering SNEAKER.Safe, reliable,scruffy but comfy, just like good 'ol "Three-years-of-what?".We went through a truck-load,he was always there when I needed him but it became too comfortable, so much so that I wore a hole through the toe!So I just stopped wearing those trainers, I still have them,they're just too old to wear with functionality but too familiar to throw out."Three-years-of-what?" still calls me, or I'll text him, but for the same reasons as above, that's as far as it goes.
Then there are those cute pointy court shoes which make you look good in anything, can be worn to the office,mall or club in one go and with equal style-standing,though not quite formal enough for a huge 'do.Also quite comfortable, this one definitely refers to Mr."Nearly-but-not-quite" down to the last detail.Like the shoes,he is a classic.Versatile,comfortable,stylish and neat.He made me feel great anywhere and it was a relationship built on love and trust.In fact, I didn't need any other shoes, but me being well. ME, simply couldn't resist the next pair that I saw all shiny and new....
It was pointier than the courts and had a higher stiletto, way trendier(pink patent leather with funky silver studs)and it made me look like such a diva and yes..alas..I strayed.That exactly describes what happened with Mr."whose-ego-is-it-anyway". sex-appeal-check; high voltage energy&presence-check, x-factor-check.Totally what I needed to give me a boost at a time when my self-confidence was lacking.I had a short but passionate love-affair with those shoes..but like all trendy buys..they go out of style and is replaced with the next big thing on the market..needless to say that pretty much summed up the end of THAT story.
It was now time for my shopping spree, the period in which I went on a spending rampage buying,trying,wearing everything and anything I wanted.I didn't have any favorites,though, there were adorable kitten heels("The Saint"), the painful to wear sparkly sandals(Mr."All-Bling-No-Brain") and the once-off gorgeous satin ankle-strap sky-scraper stilettos(Mr."Hot-but-tries-to-hard-to-be-mysterious").and then the interestingly attractive courts("Sir.Gab")
Soon my shoe collection was thriving and I thought nothing more could excite or interest me, then the season changed,fashion changed, and again...I laid my eyes on the most sexed up stilettos Ive seen: The Clear Heel..It was lust at first sight and I just HAD to have it.As impractical and impossible it seemed to walk on those, kind of as impossible as it was to actually have an intellectual conversation with Mr."Smoking-Hot-Mitts-For-Brains" I suppose.Like those clear heels , a guy like the "The Bod" doesn't come come along everyday, so I had to um..grab hold of him when I could..and I did! Every tanned, muscular, toned..ok...Mel! FOCUS!!The shoes had no substance, no depth , it was transparent for petes sake!! So was he, between innings, third base and unmentionables..I don't remember much about that fling...The shoes are still one of my favorites though, speaking of favorites, the Ugg will always be one of mine.Just as comfy as the sneaker, but warm and safer as well as Uber trendy (for like 5 minutes!) the Ugg is definitely one of a girl's best friends.No matter how much our boyfriends hate them(guys just don't understand!).Kind of reminds me of my "Straight-Gay-Best-Friend".Goes with everything,great all year round and understands you.My Ugg boots are a constant in my wardrobe,so is my SGBF.Staying with boots. I can think of another of my many favorite boots, the super sexy, super hot knee-high black pointy stiletto, or more lovingly known as the "F*** Me Boot". Ooh la la! Those I only pull out on special occasions when the um..wattage needs to be increased!Nasty girls they are, the dominatrixes of the shoe wardrobe which is who I morph into when I see Mr."In-Between Tide".Not many of my mates know I own such a sexy pair of boots, not unlike the agreement/contract between myself and hottie in question, but alas you have not seen love until you've seen my hot-pink Chanel tweed peep-toe stilettos.They're class incarnate,sexy while being sophisticated, conservative but stylish, not one to be worn everyday as the height would cripple you but it is a beautifully crafted shoe..Yes, I am making reference to Mr."Commitment-Phobe-Cynic". The first half of the night, you're confident, stylish,utterly sophisticated,the latter part of the evening,though, is spent tip-toeing on blistered feet all because you forgot one vital rule when it comes to wearing new shoes:You've gotta practice in them first!.Exactly my anecdote for "The Cynic", which I discover many blisters later..on both my feet and my heart!So I went to sales, mark-downs etc donning my trainers, flip-flops and Uggs of course, returning home empty handed each time,until I made that dreaded Impulse Buy...
There it was, just unpacked,I wasn't sure if it suited me, I wasn't even sure whether it matched any of my clothing, but I was alone, desperate for a fashion fix and had nothing to lose but to take that risk.
I should've seen the signs,they were all there, and looking back in retrospect they were all indicating one thing: The shop assistant's unwillingness to attend to me,the strap breaking at my first attempt of trying it on, the unavailability of my size, all pointing in one direction, but I was determined to have this shoe.I draw congruency to none other that "The Dictator" who else? The signs were evident, me being inebriated at our initial introduction so clearly my judgement was distorted,even the first date should've been a prophecy.Could there be a more disastrous first date than on Friday the freaking thirteenth???I mean, COME on! I ignored the signs and ended up with a shoe that will be out of fashion quicker than you can say "faux pas" and a guys who didn't break my heart but instead broke the record for Biggest loser this side of the galaxy!
The shoes weren't long term,they're brown suede platforms,I should've known.I DID know.Neither was "The Dictator", I know about that too but went along with it regardless.An IMPULSE BUY-a complete disregard for common sense and good taste.

Do we women ever think straight when it comes to both shoes and men?Sometimes it seems like all rational thinking is discarded when face with these two vices.Men, like shoes, are our adversaries as well as our friends.No fashion fundi or relationship guru can make sense of this phenomena.One thing is for sure, though,while the opposite sex will forever be a mystery to me, I pride myself in the fact that I'm a woman who knows her Choos form her Manolos.